We have entered a deep and far-reaching period of global change and transformation. When beset by the pandemic we were forced to stop, to slow down, and to take stock. In the beginning, we were scared. We reacted to our fear with heightened awareness and energy, just like any other animal in danger. We scurried around like squirrels gathering nuts for the advancing winter, or the heightened activity of birds before a storm. They know. They sense what is coming. Perhaps they are smarter than humans after all. In a more natural, intuitive sense, of course.
CONFUSION & CHAOS
Our ability to think muddies the water. Our cascading thoughts, running out of control, paint catastrophic images and fear erupts and pulls us into the abyss. We look for a means of re-gaining control. If only we can prepare, then all will be well. But. . . supplies are limited, shelves are empty. There is always a “but” when our reason tries to get a handle on our survival. It is exhausting.
Eventually, we are worn out. Unaware of the power of what is driving, we consume huge amounts of physical and emotional energy as the sudden need to protect ourselves and our loved ones pushes us forward. Later, we collapse. Endless chores complete, we are at a loss as to what to do next. So we sleep, and when we are not sleeping, we eat. We talk to friends, to family, seeking connection and reassurance wherever we can find it and offer it to others.
FERTILE VOID
In time, our energy returns and we dive into projects. The compulsion to shed the detritus of our lives reveals our deep need for change. We are unexpectedly detached from “things” that remind us of our history. The things of the past pale in the face of the present moment, and we begin in earnest to eradicate the weight of what went before. We feel lighter as we go, more able to bend and sway with the endless fluctuations of the storm that is our new reality. Now on a steady diet of purging and recreating, we happen to notice the table where we set our coffee each morning, as if for the first time. We really see it, and it no longer holds the appeal or interest in once did. It no longer represents who we are.
After days, weeks then months of sharing our days and nights with the same décor it begins to exude the weariness we feel deep in our bones. Our focus has shifted, from “out there” to right here, and things look different. The transformation is under way, and we toss, give away, and search for something better.
INNER RESOURCES
But then, even the purging begins to feel monotonous. Meaningless, even as it is unfinished. A lethargy takes hold, and the days of the week begin to blur and lose shape. The endless cycle of waking, eating, trying to keep busy, reaching out, eating, and sleeping again, all in a 1,000 sq. ft. of space, give or take, leads to a fogginess we can’t seem to shake and the utter death of our motivation. Without a pull from outside we lose our sense of direction or purpose, and the slowing down continues to evolve despite the deep, pervasive restlessness.
INTEGRATION
Dreams became more vivid and their taste lingers throughout the following day. Our brains are sluggish, memory erratic, masks, online shopping and hand sanitizer simply another burden to carry. The skin on our hands is dry and wrinkled as endless washing takes up more and more time. Our bottles of hand lotion dwindle. We remind ourselves to add it to the shopping list.
We are transforming, adapting, changing, and it is a process. But, where are we headed? The silence that follows this question confounds us, and a moment arises when we stray into stillness, to being-ness. Alone inside ourselves, we are here, yet not here. We are face to face with our emptiness; an emptiness left behind when we are no longer able to run.
NEW STATE OF BEING
We begin our deep dive reluctantly, haltingly; we think we might prefer to turn back the clock; to pick up life pre-pandemic and yet, there is no going back. So we dare to explore our inner castle, and we catch a glimpse of something awe inspiring, something recognizable, vaguely familiar. We catch a glimpse of peace, of yearning, of prayer, an expression of our deep connectedness to something larger than ourselves. As this awareness grows, our body relaxes, maybe for the first time, most certainly the first time in recent memory.
The awareness is small. Fragile. A blip on the screen of eternity. Yet within our inner castle the light is immense, and we know, in the only way these things can be known, that we are somehow a part of a great universal shift – a transformation. It is not just happening in us, but in the whole of the universe. Even as the world spins around us, even as we begin to grasp our powerlessness, we begin to feel and understand our very personal connection to the universal energy that holds all that is together. In the moment that we reach for this power, we wake up to the understanding that it is not reaching and grasping that is required, but surrender. Our sense of control is an illusion. We know this now. We are not in control, never have been and never will be. In fact, all that is left for us to do is to tune in to and listen for the voice of the Divine.
© DJS 2020
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You’ve hit the nail on the head with this article! I have gone through this cycle and am learning to go deep. “Deep calls to deep” as the Scriptures tell us. Blessings to all.
Glad it resonated. These are challenging times! It’s nice to know we’re not alone in it all.
Yes, it is nice to know we’re not alone. It would less stressful, however, if more of us were on the same page as far as working towards getting past this. Take care and stay well.